Angels? A tract about the evils of rock music, especially Christian Rock and those evil Flower Children.
I can't even pay my rent on this faraway planet orbited by at least two moons.
Yeah, why did that preacher stop them and stiff them on more than half the money? He's the one that assumedly hired them to play at the church. Unless they're just a roving band of musicians that breaks into churches to hold impromptu concerts.
Look at us, we're just a bunch of losers in a Chick Tract.
Let go and flow? Is the man in the hat trying to freestyle? I've never seen a burger griped with such anger before. And just what is that behind his head?
Hello group of young men I've just met. Come on over to my place for $500 each. That doesn't throw up any red flags at all, no sir-ee.
And Mr. Siffer? I have a feeling Chick is setting us up of one of his oh so subtle and witty puns.
This guy Siffer is really loaded. Keep him away from the edge, there's no railing!
As most music agents would do, Siffer is asking if they'd be willing to die for their religious convictions. Because in the Chick-verse, thats a perfectly normal conversation. Nothing that would cause everyone on the room to look at you funny then walk away. Naw not at all.
There's gotta be a catch. After all, you've suddenly been transported from a swanky condo to Cell block C.
I like how he specifies that it has to be their own blood. Not just, you know, blood they happened to have around. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't trust someone who's been nothing more than a silhouette for the past 6 panels, let alone sign a contract in blood with him.
Lew! Lew Siffer! Oh Chick I knew you wouldn't disappoint. Haw haw! Far out man, your parents must have hated you to give you a name like that.
Let me turn off the lights and hold a flashlight under my face to set the appropriate mood. Ready? "You're going to serve me" Booga-booga!!
I'm very low key, far far in the background. Nobody knows anything about who I am or what I'm up to & that's how I like it, now let me tell you relative strangers my entire nefarious scheme, This is how it's going..uh coming down.
Lew obviously suffers from super-villans-who-must-divulge-thier-entire-plan-to-everyone-syndrome (SVWMDTEPTES). If you'd just like to sit down, I've prepared a powerpoint presentation detailing my evil, worldwide organization. We started off strongly with Soft Rock, Hard and Heavy Rock were both big hits. Pet Rock lost it's appeal quickly. Next year we plan to come out with Dense Rock & Grey Rock. Depending on how the market looks, we may also release Speckled Rock & Amusingly Shaped Rock.
I've never seen anyone look so terrified at the mention of Flower Children before. Although I'm surprised they aren't Flower Children
Here's what I don't get, Elvis was a singer, the Beatles were a band. I'll even give Jack 'Flower Children' as a generic term for any band in the hippy genra. (Who knew they all had the same agent?) But protesters? Not protest music mind you, just protesters.
And man... is doing it! Say that sentence out loud. People don't talk like... that. There you have it folks, Christian Rock is the work of Lew Siffer.
Panel: 1*RAGE* Shut up! You'll do what I tell you! *RAGE* Panel 2: *Big smile* lets move on shall we? Poor Lew seems to suffer from untreated bipolar disorder.
*The Satanist church. Even Jack Chick doesn't seem to think his average reader will be able to catch his oh so subtle Lew Siffer = lucifer pun. So this is just to drive the point home for the especially thick. Having read a few of his tracts, I'd say he's not too far off with his expectations of his audience.
Knock 'em dead! Stupid little jerks.
Lew you really should get back on your meds.
How could they not take over the world with such captivating lyrics.
"I love Um!" I wish I was at their concert instead. "Yah! Wow! The greatest!" Just comes off sounding sarcastic. But it must be hard to draw a concert if you've not only never attended a concert before but have never even listened to any song with a beat. Imagine if you had to draw a picture of an elephant, but had never seen one and are relying entirely on descriptions of elephants given to you by people too dull to catch a pun as obvious a Lew Siffer.
Who's he? Get a good look at him because he's about to disappear forever. I don't know why Chick does this, he'll introduce a random character for one panel then never use him again. Random Bearded Dude here could just have easily been Lew.
Also, in Chick's world, the most common way of contracting AIDS is via demons.
How come the words 'Three months later' and 'After a concert' aren't in those narrator boxes? Did someone just tag the walls with those phrases? Consistency Jack! Pick a style and stick to it.
It looks like Lew's not the only one who's bipolar. From utter terror, Eeeeeiiiii!! To adoration, I love them! in one breath.
Here we see the Christian version of pick pocketing. Personally I'd rather have someone go for my wallet.
I've taken a first aid course before, one of the things they teach you is that if someone is screaming "I can't breathe. Somebody, help!", they can breath just fine. Now, I know Jack probably isn't hip to the latest fashion trends the kids these days dig, but a white denim jacket with the word cream written across the back in comic sans, has never been in.
And apropos of nothing, one of them is into vampirism. Considering Jack thinks vampires are real, that adds a whole 'nother layer of weird to that statement. And after his week long journey home, he finds the Tract in his pocket. Aww how cute! Jack went meta on us. Yep, just read one Chick Track & your soul will be saved! Nice little ego stroke for you Jack.
With an impeccable sense of dramatic timing Lew shows up! Is Lew is his roommate? 'You're mine!'? I thought teh ghey would be bad for the Green Angels' image. Tom, No! Don't make me wear this goofy halloween mask!
His first point just sounds like word salad. The full quote he's referring to;
"Galatians 2:20 (KJV)
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."
Isn't much more intelligible. Thank God Tom read that little tract I gave him, unlike the several hundred I've handed out to strangers or littered in public places that have ended up in the landfill!
So there you have it, Christian Rock is the work of the devil. Demons give you AIDS and the devil is an office manager in a cheap halloween mask. Therefore God wants you to set fire to your stuff.
